Mirror
by LadyHope
Summary: A glimpse into the head of John Doggett during "Three Words."


Title: Mirror  
Author: LadyHope  
E-Mail: BigBadMissParker@thepretender.com  
Fandom: X-Files  
Spoilers for Three Words (4/8/01)  
Rating: PG  
Archive: N/A  
Distribution: Please ask first.  
Disclaimer: If I owned the X-Files, I wouldn't be posting this in open domain. I'd be selling it. But anyway, I don't own the X-Files or anything related.  
Feedback: More than welcome. This is my first attempt at fanfiction, so let me know what is good or bad about it.  
  
Frustration.  
  
Anger.  
  
Betrayal.  
  
All running through my head at once; how can things have turned so bad?  
  
When I came, it was to find a missing man. How was I to know that finding him meant turning everything I believed on its head? How as I to know that the new life I held such a precarious grasp on would slip away when I did find him? Perhaps I should have known. Things never do seem to work out for the best. Not in this life, at least.  
  
Rain ran down my back in icy runnels. It streamed across the windows of the dark car, partially obscuring the worry-stricken face of my partner. Or was she my partner? Had the last months been only a means to an end for her? Or had it been as personal for her as it had for me?   
  
I pushed those silly thoughts away and pounded on her window. Fear, recognition, then surprise, all flashing across those soft blue eyes. As I explained my fears, terror filled those eyes. Certain death awaited the man I had worked so hard for and given so much to find. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?  
  
I waved her on and turned quickly. Whether or not I liked the consequences, I had to follow my conscience. I wasn't sure he would have done the same for me, but if I didn't do this, I would never have the chance to find out.  
  
My heart pounded as I slipped through darkened corridors. Was I already too late? Would they send a fleet of Hummers full of new recruits with itchy trigger fingers? Or would it be more sophisticated, perhaps a sniper waiting for him to type in those three fateful words?  
  
Why had I given them to her in the first place? I try to tell myself that it was to help seek the truth, that elusive truth I had helped her hunt for but had never seen a glimpse of in all those months. But I wonder now, did I know deep down what would happen? I'll never know, but I'll never stop asking.  
  
And just as if lounging at his own computer, there he sat, a black silhouette in a sterile white room in plain view of any who wanted to see. Resolve was one thing, but this was sheer madness. I wanted to rush in and shield him from harm and at the same time give him a beating he wouldn't soon forget. Why was he so stubborn? I pounded on the thick glass, hoping that he would do the sane thing and listen to me. No chance. He was a man possessed.  
  
Loud as thunder rang the gunshot and the rain of glass shards that followed. He worked undeterred. At that moment, I saw myself within him. Within his beliefs so strong that he would risk life and limb to uphold them. I had been there, and considering the circumstances, perhaps I still was.  
  
For the second time that day, we fought. Neither of us were much for first impressions, nor second at that. He finally conceded with a message from his loyal friends, but something inside tells me that he had given in moments before. Because, for a moment, we stared into each others eyes and saw something frightening: ourselves.  
  
Love for a woman that we could not admit to ourselves, not to mention her. An irrational feeling of jealousy towards the other. A belief in something, no matter what, that was enough to push us through every day and night and that kept us going through it all. A resolve, an iron will that had been enough to bring us to this point, against the odds, to face each other.  
  
What would come of that moment? That, I do not know. Perhaps nothing, perhaps everything. I don't know that it matters. If nothing comes of it, at least we have gained this much: a glimpse into the mirror. 


End file.
